23 Feb It’s Your Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To…
ONE FROM THE ARCHIVES!
A little before your child’s first birthday, someone should warn you of the birthday party treadmill you are about to get on.
The stop button doesn’t work.
You delightedly sing happy birthday as you flounce into the room with your reasonably sized cake with solitary candle to a lovely little gathering of family and friends and congratulate yourself on being organised and staying in budget, the countdown to the second has already begun.
What’s not to love about kids birthday parties, you miserly cow I hear you ask!!
1) They are ridiculously expensive to throw.
As with the homework, we mums know that the cost of your little treasure’s party is directly proportionate to how much you love them.
Janet, the play centre manager knows this also as she rubs her hands together with glee at you counting out £350 in twenties. (and one tenner)
2) The food is, 9 times out of 10, underwhelming.
How has it just cost you £350 for curled up jam sandwiches, grapes (cut vertically of course peeps ??), cold pizza and a handful of quavers??? Must have been the jugs of cordial surprise….definitely some cordial in there somewhere. Swab tests welcome.
3)It has to be the least personal way of celebrating a birthday with friends.
See, what Janet didn’t mention was the other 3 parties going on at the same time. By the end of it you’re not sure who attended and who didn’t.
4) You have to spend 2 hours making conversation with other parents that you only have to suffer for minutes on the playground. It’s awkward, it’s cringey.
It’s even worse when it’s your child’s party as you have to make sure you speak to everyone. Hiding your face in one of Janet’s expensive lattes just isn’t an option.
What? I never said I was a nice person! ?
5) You have to endure the 4 times hourly snitch train and respond using gentle parenting mantras as there are other parents around.
“Muuuuum…..Louise just pushed me”
“Well girls, friendship is the elixir of life so let’s hug it out”
Telling her to push the little turd back would be frowned upon in Mother’s circle so you hope you conveyed this through your gritted teeth instead.
6) Throwing a party for your child automatically guarantees your invite to 15 parties in return. You become a victim of your own success.
7) By holding and attending these events you are signing up to reporting the event using unspoken rules on Facebook and you find yourself compelled to follow suit.
“Johnny had an absolute ball at his 7th party! Thanks so much to all that came, he is one spoiled little boy!”
“Thanks so much for the invite we had a lovely time” I especially enjoyed the frantic visit to Tesco first for a gift and a card only to realise that I’ve no bloody pen in the car, my bag or life in general.
Really you’re seething that the cardboard recycling you had just cleared from Christmas is full to the brim again and that your Dyson is going to have to battle the plastic ties that attach the toy to the box in a ridiculously strong fashion.
Every year you say NEVER AGAIN. Every year you wonder if you have the strength to break the mould and be the first to break the party cycle.
I’m not strong enough yet but one year I will be and all the other parents will follow suit like a party revolution and poor Janet will be sat crying into her cucumber sticks waiting for the phone to ring.
Vive La Revolution!!!!!