When is a ‘Judgy Mum’ Just a Person With an Opinion?

The media are very quick to stir up supposed ‘mummy wars’.

It’s terrific comment bait to poke the breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate.

You sleep with your child?! Tut tut tut.

You homeschool?! Pfft! 

I’ve noticed it more since having Esmé that the press and social media seem to delight in drawing battle lines between new mums especially, knowing that it will always be an emotional subject. 

The term ‘crunchy mum’ and ‘Judgy mum’ is thrown about as though this is a newly occurring monster, terrorising other mums just doing the best job that they can.

Don’t all human beings judge? I’m sure this isn’t an exclusive thing amongst us women. 

Yes you do get some prolific lurkers on forums that tell you how they are bringing up little Johnny and their recommendations for others.

Do they judge? Probably. Let’s be honest. We all do. 

Three times now in the past week I have noticed parents leaving their babies/toddlers in the car alone whilst escorting older siblings into school. This makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing that it’s a tragic accident/incident waiting to happen. I tried to see it from the mums point of view when she came racing towards the car from the shop over the road when I was looking in the car. I can’t think of any reason why she thought leaving a baby alone in a car on a main road was a good idea.

Am I a Judgy mum? Yes in this case. I am.

Sooner carry a sleeping baby in the shop that spend the rest of your life regretting your decision. 

I see 4./5/6 year olds playing out in the street and I know deep down that I will never ever let my child play out like I used to. I’m afraid of the world that my children live in. Does this make me a Judgy Mum? Ok, guilty as charged.

As a mum I almost feel bad that I form an opinion of what other mums do because that makes me a fully fledged soldier in the war of the care-givers.

The minute we give birth we are opened up to the opinions of everyone from your mum to your health visitor.

As a breastfeeding mum I have been lucky to have avoided the full on vitriol that the press would have us think that there is but I have had to explain myself to people closer to home that ask “How long are you planning to do that for?”

Sadly I have even experienced being around friends that haven’t breastfed only for them to hurriedly explain why they didn’t, as though they need to get that out the way.

Would I have judged them? Ok, I will probably wonder why you didn’t if I’m being 100% honest but ONLY because I know how much I have loved it, but I also know how tough it is and how it isn’t possible for everyone.

I wouldn’t have though any less of your parenting skills or questioned your love for your child.

I have held my breath at weekly weigh in, praying that Esme is still following her centile only to be advised to add more butter to her food to bulk her up…….really? Maybe she needs some formula…….REALLY? At 8 months old? I think that ship has sailed Mrs Health Visitor.

You can understand how nervous first time mums become fraught at conflicting advise and opinions out there especially when it is being spouted by a health professional.

I think second time round you know how you want things to play out. I sleep with my baby. Every night. It was that or waking up every hour feeding so do I care what anyone thinks? No I do not!

I carry her in a sling more than put her in the pram. My decision.

I do not agree with letting my baby cry. My decision based on what I have researched regarding it. Your baby cried it out and was fine? Awesome. Does that make me want to do it your way? No.

People will judge but if you’re confident in your own choices then the opinions of others won’t matter.  Water will only sink a ship if you let it in.

Mums, we would all be a little happier if we trusted our instincts and gave less f#*s about the judgement of others.

JD x

 

 

 

 

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7 Comments
  • Avatar
    Anonymous
    Posted at 13:54h, 11 March Reply

    ? fab post! X

    • Avatar
      Kate Marsden
      Posted at 13:59h, 11 March Reply

      And slings are way better than prams…baby nice and close, you can see them and interact with them whilst shopping, dog walking etc plus I’m too lazy to lug our big pram in and out the boot and I’m sure people value their ankles (I’m such a bad pram driver) x

  • Avatar
    This Mum Business
    Posted at 14:24h, 11 March Reply

    The pram is a nightmare isn’t it Kate! She soon gets fed up in it. I don’t know what I’d have done without a sling this time round. I can’t wait to master a back carry too. Bit nervous of it just yet!!! Xxx

  • Avatar
    Joan Danner
    Posted at 15:09h, 11 March Reply

    Well said xxx

  • Avatar
    Charli
    Posted at 00:22h, 09 April Reply

    What are the negatives of leaving a baby to cry? My baby is 5 months old, he is so happy like a little chum but I keep being told by my friends “this will change he’ll become a nightmare soon” We’ve never minded him sleeping downstairs while we watch TV or having him in bed with us if he feels comforted. But, I’m feeling increasing pressure to get him into a routine. All my friends are telling me that I need to do “controlled crying” but the sound of my usually content smiley baby screaming breaks my heart. Is it needed? I mean it’s not like he’ll go to school wanting to sleep between him mum and dad? I’d love to know what are the againsts with leaving to cry so as I have a comeback or argument when I’m next told I need a routine and I should let him “cry it out”. Thank you xx

  • Avatar
    Roxy Wallis
    Posted at 10:07h, 23 December Reply

    Love this!!! I’ve just been writing about mums and competing against each other. We should all be finding ways to support each other not tear each other down.

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