28 Mar Life Starts Now
One from the archives ****
So we got our results.
They were all normal.
Nearly 11 months of hell and we can now finally start to look forward.
Esmé doesn’t have an auto repair condition after all. This is a huge relief. The thought of watching my baby deteriorate and age prematurely was just too much to bear.
I remember sitting feeding her on the sofa watching some crap like Dance Moms only for her to stop feeding to turn and watch the main dancer, Maddie Ziegler perform in a competition. My heart sank in that instant, not knowing if she would ever get such opportunities or be here long enough to find out.
The genetics team will monitor her periodically to see how she is growing and developing but for now she is just perfect.
After getting the phone call on Wednesday, I have been doing some serious thinking.
At the risk of sounding like a walking cliché, what matters in my life from this day on?
Ive done some persistent bargaining with the big man upstairs in past months so I really feel like I have some thanksgiving to do. Surprising considering my beliefs are wobbly at best but I just have to think that someone is looking out for us.
I’ve now sorted her a cake smash photoshoot too, hoping the cake isn’t too big that we can’t see her little face.
We also went to Holiday Getaway to pay our balance on our Disney holiday. We can all get excited about this now, I’m so happy to be able to take them both to such a magical place. (Disney I mean,as nice as Holiday Getaway is).
I’m going to increase my work hours a little too. I feel less guilty now knowing that our time together is in no way limited plus I’m lucky that she is well looked after at Little Acorns by ladies I know and trust. I couldn’t bear to let her do more that the minimum before now.
I’m going to make myself happy too.
Life is too short to just trundle along existing.
I feel like I’ve been blessed or at least for some reason granted the best outcome for our situation and if I can’t at the very least walk away from it with some perspective and appreciation then what was it all for? Why else were we put through it?
I’m not going to say I’ll never take my baby for granted again….this is real life….but when times feel trying and I’m losing my patience with her I will try to think back to the little baby watching the dancer with wide eyes and think how lucky I have been to get to see my daughter dancing through her own life, however little the pumps may be.