04 Apr My Open Letter To The Teenage Me…
I’m the 34 year old you.
There are a few pearls of wisdom I want to pass back in time to smooth the ride for you, the 14 year old me.
Firstly, don’t panic, in 2005 you will buy your first hair straighteners so that ginger pube Afro you’re rocking right now is only temporary.
Please tie it back though, it takes up a lot of space.
Don’t worry about being teased that you haven’t kissed a boy yet. I don’t blame you for waiting.
They’re all walking zits at that age. A cloud of sweat and Lynx. It’ll be worth the wait.
Next year, you’re gonna make the stupid decision to get your nose pierced on both sides. DON’T DO IT. It’s just odd. Not cool. Not rebellious. Downright strange.
I’m not sure how to tell you this next one.
Take That will split up.
I’m sorry to be the one to break that to you. It’s originally Dad that does so and you spend 3 days at home weeping uncontrollably and ringing childline. Seriously Jodes, this won’t be the last time you cry over a boy but it will be the last time you do so clutching a poster.
Great news!!! They reform later on!!! Save your tears!!
Your mum is going to get your hair cut in a terrible Bob.
One that’s too short and kind of like Michael Jackson circa the ‘you are not alone’ period. This takes 2 years to grow back. Just say no!!
Your pants are always ever so slightly too short. You need to spread jam on your shoes and invite your trousers for dinner. Tell your mum that topshop do long length and that she’s ruining your life.
I know you’re hurting right now about mum and dad.
Everything has changed, nothing feels right any more and you’ve started to feel scared about everyday life. You won’t believe me (I know this because I know how hopeless you felt) but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The panic won’t last forever and you will get all the things in life you deserve. I know that you will hit rock bottom and that you won’t see a way out other than to not be here any more but you will find the strength to carry on. Believe it or not, when all the hurt subsides they will even become great friends again, enjoying many a Christmas together at yours with the Grandchildren. Hang in there, one day you will hold your baby in your arms and you will know from that moment on that you can do anything.
Keep on enjoying those daily chips, you get slimmer later on.
Lots of love,