Two Boils on the Same Arse

It’s so easy to grow apart when you’re married.

There’s the pre-wedding excitement and build up. The euphoria of the day. The heartfelt promises as you look into each other’s eyes.

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The drunken romp to consummate that is never quite how it is in the films.

Then comes life.

The kids become your focus. Almost your sole focus. They are the one subject guaranteed to get you talking.

Before you know it days can go by with little more that a handful of conversations between you besides a “bye” and “night night”.

This had happened to us.

The last few months have been so stressful that we had become ships in the night just circling these choppy waters, neither noticing the other’s SOS flair.

I think I just assumed that marriage kind of looks after itself. That so long as you are both there in the moment that it counts. I was wrong.

I’ve put so much into being a mum that I’ve forgotten how to be a wife. Lost sight of what it was that started our journey in life together.

My husband is a real provider and such a hard worker. At the end of a long stressful week on work though, neither of us had the energy to put more hard work into our relationship.

This needed to change. I recognised this.

I can understand how people’s heads can be turned by a lustful glance, some attention and flattery. You get none of that really once the ring is on the finger.

I really don’t want to have to be chopping off his redundant bits with a rusty chainsaw so I arranged a date afternoon.

Just a couple of hours. Besides our weekly PT session it’s been over 12 months since we did something without the kids.

I feel like i spend 80% of my time angry with him over lots of things and nothing at all and then indifferent the other 20%.

Life had thrown us some pretty big curve balls since we said I do at the beautiful St George’s Chapel in Paphos, Cyprus, in 2014.

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We had clung to each other through miscarriage, secondary infertility, the turbulence of my business buy-out, the babies health concerns and the usual marriage stresses that most couples go through and it was starting to wear on us.

We only went into town for lunch but it was just the ticket. A prescription for our diagnosis of daily doldrums and drudgery.

We held hands. It felt completely mongy at first. A bit ridiculous. As the minutes passed though, it became warm and reassuring.

We spent an extraordinary amount of time in Poundland. Far too much for a couple on their first date in a year.

He clearly got excited over the availability of £1 tempered glass phone screens that I didn’t have the heart to drag him out. It was the most excited i’d seen him in some time.

We may have been on a date but that doesn’t stop the loo roll running out.

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We grabbed a nice lunch and a couple of drinks. We laughed and talked about the future.

We decided that corndogs were amazing. How can a deep fried sausage not be amazing?

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I looked into his eyes, eyes that were a little more lined and tired than the ones I looked into for the first time ten years ago and I saw him again.

I asked him if he still loves me two years into our marriage.

He does.

Phew…that would have made dessert awkward.

I reconnected with him again and felt that for all life is a massive arse at times, throwing the occasional pungent fart your way, we have both decided to be boils on the same cheek weathering the eggy storm together.

Innit.

JD xx

This Mum's Life

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19 Comments
  • Sonya Moss
    Posted at 21:07h, 17 April Reply

    So true jodie. Keep them coming lol x

  • Jane Salter
    Posted at 21:09h, 17 April Reply

    This is fab Jodes.. So true and heartfelt and just as we all feel xx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 21:10h, 17 April Reply

    Thanks Ladies. As I’m in such a loving mood I might not pretend to be asleep tonight ??? xx

  • Jane Salter
    Posted at 21:11h, 17 April Reply

    Omg ha ha ha ha !!! Love it !!! You go girl ????

  • Christy Mouskoundi
    Posted at 21:14h, 17 April Reply

    Love it hun…. Keep at it and keep writing. Plan date night for next week too xxx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 21:26h, 17 April Reply

    Nah that’s us for another year now ?? xxx

  • Tom B
    Posted at 05:40h, 18 April Reply

    Excellent!

  • sarahandlouisemumstheword
    Posted at 11:53h, 18 April Reply

    This is SO true! It’s easy to let parenting take over your relationship and to forget that marriage involves a bit of work and effort from both sides or else it will disintegrate. Thanks for the reminder!! XX

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 11:55h, 18 April Reply

      It’s easy to slip into a rut alright. A few hours makes all the difference. Thanks for reading xx

    • sarahandlouisemumstheword
      Posted at 13:07h, 18 April Reply

      Forgot to add #bigpinklink (I’m always doing that!!) Louise x

  • Baby Anon
    Posted at 12:33h, 18 April Reply

    A really good post on a subject that I think my parents could relate to. Mother realises that she needs to spend some more time with Father and so is taking him out for an all day breakfast at the weekend (he adores his food, so this is the equivalent of a night in a five star hotel to him 😉 ) x #bigpinklink

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 12:34h, 18 April Reply

      Hey Baby Anon whatever works! Good for them! Hope they have an amazing time ? Thanks for reading xxx

  • justsayingmum
    Posted at 12:55h, 18 April Reply

    aww I really felt where you were coming from – it’s so hard to give each other attention after a day when you just want to climb in to bed and not be touched by anything for 8 hours! But about the stolen glances and wandering eyes – I’ve written post about “Leave my Husband Alone” which i’ll publish this week and touches on that! A great entertaining read #BigPinkLink

  • This Mum's Life
    Posted at 20:27h, 19 April Reply

    At first I thought this was going to be a post about someone having 2 ingrown hairs surgically removed from their bum!! But it’s actually a beautiful tribute to your relationship, and a description of how I’m sure everybody feels when they have young children-if they don’t feel like this, I’m sure they must be lying!! My husband was my absolute rock star-i adored him above everything else in this world, and just thought that a baby would be an extension of that love. We of course fell into the same trap of ignoring each other, bickering over silly things, being too tired to bother etc. We are finally in a place where we can spend more time together, and the children are more manageable than they’ve ever been. We have been having lots of date nights/afternoons, and I thought we’d never get back on track, but I feel like he’s my best friend more than I ever did. I hope you and your husband continue to rediscover your old relationship, and have more of these lovely moments!!
    Thanks so much for sharing with #bigpinklink.

  • Mandy Bujniewicz
    Posted at 20:34h, 01 September Reply

    Luv this tis so so true x

  • Michelle Banks
    Posted at 20:48h, 01 September Reply

    Why do your blogs make me well up every time maybe your beautiful honesty hits a nerve each time x

  • Charlotte Copus
    Posted at 21:17h, 01 September Reply

    “It felt completely mongy at first”
    By far my favourite ever quote I will steal and totally relatable ?? x

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 21:19h, 01 September Reply

    Ha ha! Not the most politically correct writing of mine….??? xx

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