Why Is Being Honest Punishable For Our Children?

When it comes to honesty, kids nail it every time.

“How do I look?”

“I preferred your hair long and your belly looks big in that dress”.

Ok yes it’s brutal. It stings to hear revelations that you know come from the most purest of places.

They mean it.

My eldest has always wrangled with her own honesty. She has a conscience as big as her heart and is the world’s biggest tell tale of her own mishaps.

Every day when I collect her from school.

“Mum, I think I got told off 2 times today……or 3”.

Always over the most trivial of things but this pick up time confessional has just become commonplace.

I love that about her. She can’t keep secrets if she tried. This can be a brilliant thing.


Christmas 2015 however, after an expensive shopping trip with her Dad to get my gift, she stated (almost with a feverish outburst, the relief on her face like when one locates a loo just before crapping oneself)

“Dad definitely did NOT buy you expensive make up for Christmas”.

The downside is that sometimes she can blurt out uncomfortable home truths.

I was enjoying a hot bath last week. Naturally, she decided that she needed a poo. My bath time always acts as a mystical laxative for the entire house hold.

“Mum….you know your boob?”

“Umm, yes. Which one?”

“Not Esmé’s favourite, the other one”


“Well, it’s smaller than the other. It’s like a shrivelled up shrimp”

Now she wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know here but to hear it said out loud, unapologetic, it as offensive as it is hilarious.


I did have the discussion that feelings can get hurt with being honest after she told me my teeth were yellow. I explained that this was something I was quite embarrassed by already and that by her mentioning it, my feelings had been hurt.

She was devastated and apologised for the rest of the evening.

The thing is, I don’t want to punish that honesty out of her. There is a fine line between being honest and rude and I do think that should be explained but then again I don’t want her to end up a sappy people pleaser like me either.


An incident at school last week upset her as she had been offered a sweet by her teacher and had politely refused explaining that she doesn’t really like sour sweets. The teacher told her she was impolite and should have just said no thank you.

I felt sad for her being pulled up on an honest comment that had meant no personal offence. It’s just the way she is.

An absolute chatterbox with long drawn out explanations for everything.

We drill into our children that truthfulness is the very essence of being ‘good’ only to then expect them to subscribe to the very adult dilemmas of white lies, half truths and tactful diversions.

I want to encourage her openness always, hoping that so long as I raise her as an honourable young lady she will choose her honesty wisely and in the right situation.

I was glad she told me after I had the baby that she didn’t think she loved me now Esmé was here. It alerted me to the fact that I had some relationship TLC to do to make her feel like she is still loved wholly.

I was glad that she told me she preferred my hair longer after having 7 inches cut off. It’ll give me something to aspire to again!

When she tells me she loves me, I know she means it. She really loves me.

Short-haired, yellow toothed, shrivelled up shrimpy tits that I am.

JD xx

Little Hearts, Big Love
Pink Pear Bear

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  • Avatar
    Jane Johnson
    Posted at 22:31h, 07 May Reply

    Children are brutal. I’ve told you before, that just after having Noah, freddie kindly told me I had a ‘shaky bottom’ ? ? I love the honesty even if it can sting sometimes xx

  • Avatar
    This Mum Business
    Posted at 22:33h, 07 May Reply

    Ha ha! I’ve had that one too Jane! ‘Why does your bum wobble?’
    ‘It’s cos Mummy’s got back now shut up and eat your shrimps’ ?? How the flip does she even know what a shrimp is?! Xx

  • Avatar
    Janey Jane
    Posted at 22:48h, 07 May Reply

    Lil Izzy the same :)) I’ve got “not princess hair but witch hair!!” “a very crinkly bad tummy!” And “im v greedy and never syop eating;” all true like lok

  • Avatar
    This Mum Business
    Posted at 22:56h, 07 May Reply

    They’re our conscience!!!!!! ??? xxx

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    Cara Beckett
    Posted at 08:15h, 08 May Reply

    That’s mean of her teacher telling her that she was rude for explaining about the sour sweets, maybe I’m too honest as well in that case because if I was offered something I didn’t like I was say no thanks I don’t like that xx

    • Avatar
      This Mum Business
      Posted at 08:44h, 08 May Reply

      I completely agree Cara! It’s not like she said ‘ew they’re disgusting ‘ is it? I don’t like to openly disagree with her teachers but I did tell her that I don’t think that was impolite at all. She worried about telling me all day since. She’s a sensitive girl xx

  • Avatar
    Cath Jones
    Posted at 08:32h, 08 May Reply

    Haha! Niamh sure is a chatterbox – but adorable with it!? xxx

    • Avatar
      This Mum Business
      Posted at 08:45h, 08 May Reply

      Very much Cath ha ha!!!! It’s non stop! Xx

  • Avatar
    Posted at 10:00h, 08 May Reply


  • Avatar
    Posted at 11:33h, 09 May Reply

    Haha, they are funny aren’t they. My son is 5 and has ASD so is even more honest, if that’s even possible! I think it was unfair of the teacher to pull her up on that though, it wasn’t offensive. x #bigpinklink

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 11:39h, 09 May Reply

      Of really? They come out with some gems don’t they!!! I don’t think she was impolite at all. It was a shame to be scolded over an innocent comment. Thanks for reading! Xx

  • Avatar
    Posted at 11:37h, 09 May Reply

    My toddler isn’t quite old enough to properly insult me yet. Although she does point at imperfections on my face and shout ‘UH OH MUMMY!!!’. Gotta love em.

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 11:39h, 09 May Reply

      Oh she will get there Sammie ha ha! Thanks for reading xxx

  • Avatar
    Posted at 20:08h, 09 May Reply

    Ahh this post made me well up (at her apologising to you all evening) and then made me really giggle with your sign off. Such a hard balance…we prize honesty and truthfulness but yes we need to learn social appropriateness too don’t we…she sounds fab and you sound very perceptive. I will bear this in mind as my chatterbox is starting to become more ‘direct’, ahem! #bigpinklink

  • Avatar
    Posted at 12:32h, 10 May Reply

    Out of the mouths of babes hey?! My daughter sounds very like yours. She just can’t keep secrets and I think she drives her teacher to distraction telling her every little thing that happens on the playground etc. I’ve been trying to teach her tact. She knows not to mention people’s physical appearance in ear shot of them and knows that words can hurt. I never want to crush her honest spirit either, but there’s a time and a place! 😀 Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 12:34h, 10 May Reply

      Now tact….yes! That’s the word!!! Tact is a whole other battle ha ha ? Thanks for reading xx

  • Avatar
    Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)
    Posted at 14:01h, 03 October Reply

    It’s a difficult line to tread isn’t it – encouraging that openness and honesty while making them aware that they can hurt people’s feelings by being too honest. I’m not sure why the teacher thought she was impolite though – she was just stating a fact along with declining the sweet. The shrivelled up shrimp comment is a bit too honest though, lol! Love that she was honest with you after her sister arrived though – sometimes that honesty might be hard to hear but it’s something we need to hear. Thank you so much for linking up with #ftmob

  • Avatar
    Posted at 14:51h, 09 October Reply

    They can be harsh critics, that’s for sure. I also get obscure compliments “Your hair is like a triangle in the night.” I mean, I think that’s a compliment?! I’m sure I’ve got more brutal honesty to come. Have to say I also think it’s unfair her teacher pulled her up like that. If anything I think she was rude! #ftmob

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