When The Zone Becomes A Hostile Place

By nature, i’m all or nothing.

I’ve never been any different.

Sometimes this is a good thing, like when I get an idea in my head for new business or for new hobbies for the girls I go full throttle.

Unfortunately I’ve found myself doing this with my diet and exercise.

I hit the healthy and slim mark and kind of went beyond it. I was looking through my Disney photos the other day and was pretty grossed out by how gaunt and old looking i have become and I know I need to do something about it. I have a Dierdre Rachid neck (God rest her soul) and a mouth of gnashers like Janet Street Porter because I’ve become too thin.

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It’s the control element for me that I get the thrill from.

It took an open chat with my two mums on Saturday to face that my eating habits have become problematic. In the previous couple of months in which I have had a lifestyle overhaul, and a turbulent one at that, I had found comfort in controlling the only thing that I could. If I could stick to those same 3 meals a day, the same foods, all will be well in the world.

I hadn’t really factored in that i’m still breastfeeding too and exercising regularly so the balance has tipped.

It’s only recently that I realised that this no longer felt good. My Mother In Law wanted to treat us all to a takeaway tea for my husband’s birthday causing me to literally freak out about how to get out of it all afternoon. Wanting to participate but not feeling able to. In the end I just opted out for my usual tea of chicken stirfry after hours of hand wringing.

In fact, this picture Neil took of me in Paris, agonising over a menu for something I could eat, upset me.

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The control is taking the fun and spontaneity out of life. I almost had a heart attack when offered a free fat free fro-yo in town and this behaviour isn’t healthy for my children to see.

I need them to know that everything is fine in moderation and that a bowl or cereal and a stirfry a day is NOT healthy or balanced.

I don’t snack and since working half days I have been skipping lunch altogether. I haven’t had a period in almost two years and I no longer feel like a woman. I feel curve less in my clothes and my arse has disappeared

Changes are going to be made. They have to.

I’m starting an eating & exercise plan that will increase my calorie intake and help me to become strong rather than skinny. There’s nothing wrong with being this build it’s just that i’m not meant to be this way.

I thought size ten would feel tremendous, but it doesn’t. It feels tired, old, wrinkly & unattractive.

I feel better for having said it out loud. For months now my mums had voiced their concerns but strange though it may seem, this used to really delight me – that changes could be seen.

The thing is though, kids are impressionable – especially Niamh – and I don’t want my attitude to food to impact her – it’s bad enough that she has inherited my quirks and mental health issues!

There……I’ve said it.

Now to put things right.

JD xx

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29 Comments
  • Janette N Chris
    Posted at 12:25h, 28 June Reply

    well said love x

  • Joan Danner
    Posted at 12:34h, 28 June Reply

    Well done you. Now happy healthy eating plus healthy snacks. Glad your two mums finally got through. You can even have some treats along the way. Love from mum no 2 xxx

    • This Mum Business
      Posted at 12:39h, 28 June Reply

      I’ll try ? what would I do without you both? (Run out of baby wipes probs..??) xxx

  • Jimmy Wallace
    Posted at 12:43h, 28 June Reply

    Your honesty is refreshing xxx

  • Christy Mouskoundi
    Posted at 13:35h, 28 June Reply

    So brave of u to write about this Jodie huni. Your amazing and well done for your honesty too.
    Looking forward to your stronger not skinny blog already xxxx

  • Denise Inwood Sweeney
    Posted at 13:35h, 28 June Reply

    Well said Jodie – I feel a banana bread coming on 🙂 xx

  • Jane Johnson
    Posted at 14:57h, 28 June Reply

    Jodie well done for speaking out! I am more than happy to meet you for a coffee and a cake to help you out of course ? we’ll start off by sharing a slice of lemon drizzle ? that one I had Friday when I saw you was awesome! Xxxxx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 14:57h, 28 June Reply

    Jane Johnson you are selfless to a fault and that’s why I love you ❤️? xxx

  • Jane Johnson
    Posted at 15:06h, 28 June Reply

    Always thinking of others Jodie you know me ? xxx you’re a cracking mum, your girls are beautiful inside and out and so are you, now let’s get working on beefing that ass up ??? buns of steel with exercise and the odd lemon drizzle along the way ? xxx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 15:07h, 28 June Reply

    Thanks Jane ❤️ we could arrange a squats session in Caffe Rosso? ? xxx

  • Jane Johnson
    Posted at 15:10h, 28 June Reply

    Not a bad idea! See you there after school pick up ?? xxx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 15:11h, 28 June Reply

    ??????

  • Michelle Banks
    Posted at 16:59h, 28 June Reply

    ?

  • Susan Newbould
    Posted at 19:10h, 28 June Reply

    Jodie Danner this has hit a true nerve with me. And i need to change too. No life when my sons sad cos i wont have an ice cream with him on his hols cos im too scared to eat away from my “plan”. Very very easy to sway too far the opposite way. Thank u for this x

    • This Mum Business
      Posted at 19:14h, 28 June Reply

      It’s hard when you’re very all or nothing. I literally feel like one treat will have me back in big pants which is just ridiculous. Let me know if you find the secret to getting the balance right ?? xx

    • Susan Newbould
      Posted at 19:14h, 28 June Reply

      Do u have my fitness pal Jodie Danner im finding that better. I have my macro splits but i can stick the odd treat and still stay sane xx

    • This Mum Business
      Posted at 19:17h, 28 June Reply

      I keep downloading it then deleting it cos I eat the same 3 meals every day so didn’t find it was helping me much. I’ve just signed up today to the body coach’s 90 day plan. The food is supposed to be fab and great portions. Just need to take my measurements tonight and send my questionnaire over xxx

    • Susan Newbould
      Posted at 19:18h, 28 June Reply

      I have joe wicks book its got fab recipes in xx im same i eat porridge chicken n broccoli every single day no life really xx

    • This Mum Business
      Posted at 19:19h, 28 June Reply

      God what a pair of misery arses we are! ?????? xxx

    • Susan Newbould
      Posted at 19:20h, 28 June Reply

      ?????

  • Emma
    Posted at 16:26h, 17 October Reply

    It’s so good to know that you recognised the signs and took action to make things more balanced. There’s nothing sadder (I don’t think) than food becoming and obsession and something that is seen as negative when eating should be enjoyable ☺️ So many times I see people obsessions over what they ‘can and can’t eat!’ Life is FAR too short. Starving the body of essential food groups is bad. Thank goodness your mum’s could talk to you about it. We all love you too much to watch you get poorly ☺️☺️☺️

    • snapfire
      snapfire
      Posted at 09:03h, 20 October Reply

      I totally agree – I used to love eating out! It was my favourite past time. The thing is, with all the training, the odd treat won’t make a jot of difference! xxxx

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