I’ve Been Kidnapped & Taken To An Orgy….

Yep, was sat there at home, minding my own when you kicked my door down and dragged me kicking and screaming into your van.

You had decided that this is a party I really needed to attend.

If you’d had invited me I’d have told you this isn’t my scene.

A coffee and a peanut butter rice cake is as exciting as I get these days….but you didn’t.

When I arrive you are just delighted to have got me through the door, not giving two horny hoots about my discomfort.

When you nip to the loo, I try to leave subtly as not to hurt your feelings because I know this is your thing and if I can avoid upsetting you I will.

I make it to the van, find the keys in that weirdly obvious place of the visor that you always see them dropping out of in the movies and speed off.

You’ve noticed I’ve gone and borrowing another car (probably just fished some keys out of the bowl) you head me off at the end of the lane and drag me right back again even though you know I won’t even be flopping out so much as a tatta.

This is how it feels every sodding time I’m ADDED TO FOREVER FLAMING LIVING, YOUNIQUE, JAMBERRY, and any other bollocks groups against my wishes!!

By all means, invite people. If it’s their thing they’ll join the orgy!

I’ve always invited my Facey friends to my business pages but if they don’t then throw me a like I don’t pursue them relentlessly.

It’s bad enough to just add people to them once but then when they leave to re-add them again and again is just bad manners and a waste of your time pursuing a reluctant audience.

Unless your beloved aloe will get persistent skids off the toilet or your mascara will get my kid out of bed at 7am every morning then I’m not your girl.

I bid you goodnight.

JD xx

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5 Comments
  • Michelle Banks
    Posted at 21:29h, 14 July Reply
  • Gaz
    Posted at 21:52h, 14 July Reply

    Damn … There was me thinking it was a real orgy …

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 21:54h, 14 July Reply

      I can imagine you won’t be the only one disappointed ha ha! Go download a bit o’ blue:) x

  • Piers Short
    Posted at 22:16h, 14 July Reply

    ?

  • Emma White
    Posted at 09:12h, 15 July Reply

    ?????

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