Old style doctor holding a big syringe.

Anxiety Disorder or Chronic Mumming?

So the strangest thing has happened.ย 

I’m not sure if my Doctor is an out and out poo-poo head (I’m inserting a childlike insult here as a Jodie-like one ofter offends) or if he actually knows me better than I know myself.

About two weeks ago I started to feel tired.

Not just Mum-tired. That kind of tired just ticks along nicely at the back of your existence and everyone ignores it, as do we.

I was feeling Deputy Dawg tired. Struggling to keep my eyes open. Heavy……like walking in quicksand.

I couldn’t even summons up the energy to go to the gym, and this is not like me. I find time to exercise as it makes me a better person and easier to live with.

I gave it about a week thinking ‘OK, i’ve been working hard, burning the candle at both ends, exercising, still breastfeeding but I know I don’t feel…..right’.

After a funny turn at work in which I went a bit whooshy I booked in to see the Dr.

Now herein lies the problem.

I have found that with my Doctor – since having depression and particularly PTSD after events with the baby, he does tend to attribute every illness I may have to that.

Be it mastitis, tonsillitis, anaemia, thrush – yep! You’re bringing it on yourself. It is a physical manifestation of depression. Errrr.No.

Obviously I was dubious about going with what seemed like a straightforward case of TAT (‘Tired all the time’ – i’ve seen him write that on my notes before like he is appeasing me by giving my vague case a name) and he didn’t disappoint.

“Why aren’t you taking your Sertraline?”

“Because I don’t feel anxious anymore as such. I still worry about the baby but I know that I can’t medicate that long term”

“But do you not think that these ‘funny turns’ are a symptom of this longstanding general anxiety disorder you have? The tablets will help with that.”

“I was actually wondering if I was just anaemic?”

After some disagreement and some huffing and puffing I was sent for bloods.

When they finally came back it turns out my white blood cells are low and I will need to repeat. This could just mean that I have a virus.

HOWEVER – I then took to Google – the home of all 100% accurate online diagnoses and I concluded that I have Leukaemia or something equally as terrifying.

Even though my best friend then consulted her Doctor to ask her opinion for me and relayed that it is probably just a virus, that reassurance has been doused by this waterfall of health anxiety that has now washed over me.

I was awake all last night thinking of the practicalities of how the kids will be looked after should I die of said terrible disease.

This now begs the question – which came first? Did underlying anxiety make me run down or has the thought of being seriously ill brought on anxiety?

I don’t know whether to hate him or marry him.

JD xx

This Mum's Life

 

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5 Comments
  • Joan Danner
    Posted at 12:52h, 07 October Reply

    You’ve had a virus and carried on with the struggle of day to day life. Need to chill a bit and boost your immunity xxx

  • This Mum Business
    Posted at 18:29h, 07 October Reply

    The power of suggestion though hey?? I think a week in the Bahamas ought to do it ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป xx

  • Ellen
    Posted at 12:22h, 10 October Reply

    Oh no, well I hope you feel better soon – it’s probably a combination of things. This is a silly thing to say to a mum but try and relax a bit if you can! I do think suggestion plays a big part – like if someone says ‘aren’t you worried about X happening?’ And you weren’t before but now it’s all you can think about…sigh. #bigpinklink
    Ellen recently posted…A tribe, a thank you & a reason to blogMy Profile

  • Agent Spitback
    Posted at 08:51h, 11 October Reply

    Oh dear, I hope you feel better soon. I can imagine the anxiety feeding off the virus and feelings of being unwell. Take one day at a time. #bigpinklink

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