06 Nov Black Cloud Weeks, Blood Tests & being Just OK
Well I hate to admit it.
I think the doctor was right.
I’m not feeling too peachy right now.
I did get my results from my repeat bloods which showed that I just seem to have a low white cell count constantly and looking back historically, it’s been low for at least 3 years.
It’s just the way I am.
This is great in one sense. I’m not dying as I’ve been telling myself I am. Always good to disprove that one.
I just don’t feel right though.
I feel harassed all the time. I have very little patience with Niamh. I have none whatsoever with Neil.
I’ve stopped enjoying things.
I don’t want to go out.
I don’t like having people in my house where as I used to love a full house.
I hate making plans and panic at having to stick to them.
I have a permanent lump in the back of my throat that threatens to spew out a sobisode if I think about it.
I’m stressing over exercise. Over not exercising. Over leaving too long between workouts.
I took the tablets as suggested the last 8 times I went to Dr Evil.
I managed 5 years this time but I’m not about to be a hero.
This is just one part of who I am and unfortunately I need a little help with it sometimes.
On the plus side I am LOVING photography right now. I’m taking bookings daily and I really enjoy working with children this way.
It is the best thing I ever did.
I know that this is just a blip and that it can be controlled again and held at arms reach.
This isn’t the desperate attention cries of a sympathy sucker either, just a nod to my recent creative drought and an admission that talking helps. Pokes little holes in the black clouds.
Sometimes being a hero is recognising that you’re human and reaching out for a helping hand.
I’m sure I’ll be back to to my extraordinarily witty vivacious self in no time at all.