12 Feb Good Morning Mrs Danner!
I went back to school!
Quite literally in fact!
I got the biggest chuffy on going shopping for my pencil case and notepad feeling like a tugboat that had been sloshing around aimlessly in a storm for 18 months only to see a light in the distance and to know where i should be heading.
After starting studying for my Level 3 in Teaching & Assisting in Schools, I heard back from the Head at Niamh’s school that I was fine to do my placement hours there.
I had already started the course. I had sucked up the social anxiety of going into a group of strangers and doing the one thing I hated above all else when at college and uni……group work.
Group work helps others to decide what kind of person you are……did you contribute? If not – lazy, unfocussed, boring.
If you did? Too much? Pushy, opinionated. Argh. I got through it though and blamed the sweat on the actual stuffiness of the course room.
Luckily, we skipped the ‘tell us a little bit about yourself’ because I wouldn’t know where to begin.
How to explain the last two years to show why I am where I am now.
For the fist time in a long time I just wanted a fresh start.
I didn’t want to go into detail about Esme, what happened with Lavish, why I now work in a Cafe but am also a photographer. It makes my head ache and I’m sure I’d seem a little ‘lost’ which I guess I am. Or I was – until now.
So fast forward to Thursday morning.
I was so nervous. More nervous than I’d been about anything for a long time.
I didn’t want my presence in school to affect Niamh.
I didn’t want to feel like a spare part in the classroom.
I didn’t want to spend the morning there then hate it, thinking why on earth did I sign up for this?
I didn’t want to feel sad that I hadn’t pushed myself to return to University to become an actual teacher either.
I needn’t have worried.
I absolutely LOVED it.
The teacher & her HLTA couldn’t have been more welcoming and accomodating – allowing me to get fully involved in the class activities, from phonics to maths and a session on internet safety too (Which was very informative!)
At break time I had the chance to chat with the Higher Level Teaching Assistant more and she seems to have been in my situation.
Young children of her own. Wanting to experience the class room & teaching but unwilling to take that last step into teaching.
After hearing from other friends of mine that have been and still are teachers, it’s sad to hear they just aren’t given the opportunity to be the teachers that they want to be due to many factors including class size and targets. Pressures which mean that this is not the job to work around a young family as one would first think. It’s incredibly sad as the ones that I know I can imagine were incredible, just crushed by how their lives were swallowed up by the profession.
As a HLTA though, she is still able to teach the class and plan and operate within her own role which inspired me for where I want to go.
It’s a nice feeling.
Niamh came running over to me at break time but insisted on calling me Mrs Danner with a little wink each time.
The mum in me meant that I spent a good ten minutes walking round zipping everyone’s coats up.
I’m fired up for it now – so much so that instead of leaving my assignments till the night before I might…Oh who am I trying to kid?
J D xxx