Facing up to the life thief and taking one day at a time…..

My view from the eye of the cyclone is pretty bleak right now.

Since last Thursday I’ve started every morning with blind panic, clammy sweats that pulsate through my whole body.

Shallow breathing.

Terrified of doing the every day things that others, myself included for such a long time, took for granted.

Taking the children in the morning is now heart attack inducing and going into the kitchen to make a drink makes my heart race.

I’m scared to be alone with my terrors and can’t bear to be in a different room to people.

I have a depersonalisation disorder which causes my mind to feel like I’ve woke up from a heavy sleep.

I feel detached from the world around me.

It’s my bodies fight or flight mechanism whether it’s welcome or not.

It’s most definitely not welcome right now.

I’m waking every morning with an exhausting fight to try to claw my way back into the present, the dreamlike state causing me to panic from my waking moment till when I close my eyes at night.

It has taken almost everything from me in the space of less than a week.

My independence.

My work.

My studies.

My placement that I love.

I’m taking anti-anxiety medication and beta-blockers to combat the physical aspects of it in the hope that it will become manageable and I can try to claw some of my life back.

I’m fighting to maintain some normality for my girls as they shouldn’t have any of their lives taken away by this.

I should have recognised the indicators of its return but as a mum we tend to just put most things down to exhaustion or just….life.

I’m taking life back to basics to get through it, committing only to parenthood.

The rest will keep.

JD xx

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29 Comments
  • Jade Burnett-Cherry
    Posted at 17:20h, 09 May Reply

    Sending you lots of hugs hun, hope you start to feel better soon xxx

  • Susan Newbould
    Posted at 17:27h, 09 May Reply

    You will get there Jodie Danner a day at a time hun xxx sending a big hug

  • Gemma-Eve Fairhurst
    Posted at 17:35h, 09 May Reply

    Hugs sweet xx

  • Jessica Stephens
    Posted at 17:41h, 09 May Reply

    You are amazing💛

  • Becky Cowley
    Posted at 17:47h, 09 May Reply

    Everyday as it come lovely lady xx

  • Nicola Yates
    Posted at 17:55h, 09 May Reply

    I’m here for you if you need to talk xxx

  • Helen Lou
    Posted at 17:57h, 09 May Reply

    💖 even the biggest mountain can be conquered with small steps, you are doing great xxx

  • Laney Lloyd
    Posted at 17:58h, 09 May Reply

    Hope ur ok. I can relate only too well x

  • Sharon Hogan
    Posted at 18:27h, 09 May Reply

    I really hope you are ok Jodie ! You are an absolute superstar that helps so many without even knowing it!! Even this post will give people help and support without you even realising it ! for some people to realise they are in the same boat and not on their own will mean so much. Time for you and your family right now everything else can wait and will be there once you feel ready to pursue them again. Thinking of you Hun sending big hugsxxxx

  • Emma Louise Glover
    Posted at 19:10h, 09 May Reply

    Hugs sweetie, I’m on similar medication for similar reasons, you are stronger than you’ll ever realise, I say this from experience. But until you feel that you keep doing what your doing and fight your way through it, sending lots is love and hugs your way xxxx

  • Laura Heaton
    Posted at 19:39h, 09 May Reply

    Xxxx

  • Jodie Danner
    Posted at 20:01h, 09 May Reply

    Thanks everyone. I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment. Writing it down just helps me to process what is happening xxx

  • Jane Cubbin
    Posted at 20:07h, 09 May Reply

    Sending big hugs lovely lady xxx keep talking xxx have you tried any mindfulness (I know it’s not for everyone) or CBT… you can self refer. I have it and it has helped xxx

    • Jodie Danner
      Posted at 20:10h, 09 May Reply

      Lots of people have recommended mindfulness I really need to find out more about it. I’ve had CBT previously and it really helped the anxiety aspect or at least understanding why I feel like I do. This is just a part of me that I need to find coping mechanisms for I think xxx

    • Jane Cubbin
      Posted at 20:11h, 09 May Reply

      CBT is helping me deal better with things it’s not a cure but the more things to help you look after you the better xxx my therapist did a session with me once … you can get online apps with can help too xxx

    • Jane Cubbin
      Posted at 20:12h, 09 May Reply

      I’ve got “relax melodies” app and find that therapeutic when I have tried it xxx big hugs xxx

    • Gillian Dodd
      Posted at 21:17h, 09 May Reply

      Sorry I don’t know you and I’m jumping on your post….I have done a course of mindfulness. You can speak to your Dr surgery who can give you the phone number so that you can self refer. You have an appointment for assessment and start on the next course. I found it really helpful.
      There is an app called “head space” that was recommended from the sessions for you to possibly try it whilst waiting?
      Good luck with everything x

    • This Mum Business
      Posted at 21:18h, 09 May Reply

      Gillian that’s really helpful. I was given a self referral number so I will do this tomorrow. Positive steps. Thanks so much xxx

    • Gillian Dodd
      Posted at 21:22h, 09 May Reply

      It really is small steps. I also feel that my life is being drained away. I don’t know what stuff you have going on but when every day shit becomes too much to think about and you don’t know where to start, just making a little list makes a massive difference for me x

  • Liz Wilding
    Posted at 20:47h, 09 May Reply

    Hope your ok luv xxxxxx

  • Mags Rodway Wallace
    Posted at 21:23h, 09 May Reply

    Jode try relaxation yoga x

  • Cat Cutler
    Posted at 21:45h, 09 May Reply

    Sending lots of love xx

  • Becca Louise Jones
    Posted at 22:24h, 09 May Reply

    So sorry this horrid thing has you in its grip. You will get through it, you will come out the other side. But right now, its ok to not be ok. I’ll be hoping everyday gets a little better for you. You’ll never give up and when your girls are older all they’ll think when they remember this is that their mum is a warrior, and even when her own mind was against her, she persisted and survived. There will always be someone on here, myself included, that will care and be there for you. Take care xxx

    • Jodie Danner
      Posted at 23:01h, 09 May Reply

      Thanks Becca ❤️😭❤️❤️❤️ xx

  • Lauren Winstanley-bristo
    Posted at 10:59h, 10 May Reply

    💙

  • Jodie Melling
    Posted at 22:00h, 12 May Reply

    Hope your feeling better soon lovely xxx

  • Sarah Tymms
    Posted at 23:45h, 13 May Reply

    Sorry sorry to read this…….. will PM you xxx

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