31 Jul Oh…..You’re Back…..
There she was.
Slightly apologetic but still bold as brass.
She had left me almost 3 years ago and taken with her my femininity, 100% of my libido and the inconvenience of the panicked toilet dash.
The last time I saw her was when I was 5 weeks pregnant with Esmé and I was sat on the loo at my office, crying uncontrollably, while she relentlessly tormented me and refused to go away.
My heart was breaking that after finally conceiving after 3.5 years of trying and help from assisted conception, my body seemed to be undergoing an internal twister and I was sure that my little treasure wouldn't survive it.
This is Esmé we're talking about though and by some absolute miracle she clung on and weekly scans ensured that she was ok.
It wasn't a stress free pregnancy though and after such a big bleed I never relaxed, terrified my unwanted visitor would return again.
Our relationship before this was fraught.
Each month, her return marked yet another failure.
Luckily she took the hint this time and I was glad to see the back of her.
Losing weight, continued breastfeeding and worry over the baby saw to it that she was kept away.
My body knowing that I didn't need the added complication.
I still don't but now that I'm back to a healthy weight, Esmé is thriving and I'm in a better place, she came back this weekend.
Stood in front of me like the inconvenient family member that turns up to all your get togethers without invite and you count down the hours till they leave.
Nevertheless this marks a positive change for me and now we don't have to be enemies, we might be able to co-exist more peacefully.