The 6 Phases Of Homework For The Primary School Mum

I thought I’d left deadlines behind when I jacked in university.

The relief I felt at leaving behind the crushing night-before angst validated my decision that it wasn’t for me any more.

Little did I realise that 15 years later I would be experiencing them all over again only this time it was worse because everyone knows that however good your child’s homework is,is directly proportionate to how much you love your them. Fact.

Now just to specify here – i’m not talking about the reading and writing homework – they are the staple homework – the essentials. I get that. It is the ‘model a *** out of recyclable goods or using papier macher/decoupage/rocking horse shit etc.

I feel like as a mum of not only said school age child but also the clingiest baby in the world, I go through the following phases.

1) Despair.

“There’s a letter in my bag for you”

Ok, it’s either a demand for money, a warning about nits or a homework project. This is the school shag, marry, avoid quandry.

Yep – it’s a crafty one. Urgh. Make a 3D castle using recyclable goods.

2) Acceptance,

Ok, everyone else has to do it. We too will have to do it. it’s due in 4 weeks. That’s ages off yet. We will start it early and really take our time building the components to an excellent standard. It will be nice for Mr D & Niamh to work on this together.

3) Panic.

Shit. It’s due in on Monday and today is Friday. Shit, shit, shit.

4) Avoidance

Ok, today is only Saturday. Homework is more of a Sunday job anyway plus the fact that it is due in the next day will really put a healthy pressure on to get the job done.

5) Extreme Panic/Anger/Dismay in one’s own procrastination problems/Disillusion

Ok so it’s 8.30pm. Mr D is now frantically gluing brick wallpaper to a crisp box. Niamh assisted a little by having the box on her knee on the way home from Tesco. She has also posed for several ‘thumbs up’ pictures, painted both hands with PVA glue, peeled that off, gone off to build some Lego and now fallen asleep on the couch. We have shouted at each other a lot. Both annoyed at having started late and that Niamh has no interest in the project.

6) Relief

The fruits of his labour paid off. Almost cost him his marriage but the castle was complete. Good job Mr D! We can proudly parade this to school on Monday and make easy eye contact with other parents knowing that they can tell that we love our child whilst having a shady snigger at the crappy ones clearly done by the pupil – god forbid! How could they ignore the obvious homework politics in favour of….dare I say it…..letting their child learn through doing the activity themselves. Pfffft!


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  • Avatar
    Angela Owen
    Posted at 09:19h, 31 January Reply

    Well done the D family made me laugh as this is so true even 25 yrs ago I remember it well

    • Jodie Danner
      Jodie Danner
      Posted at 12:51h, 31 January Reply

      It’s every time Angela! I never learn. …xx

  • Avatar
    Posted at 01:35h, 16 June Reply

    Marriage or Castle-Crisp-Box …. Daddy or Chips ….

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