Please P*ss Off (Unless you’ve brought food or frozen fanny pads…)

I love a full house. Most of the time.

There’s nothing people love more than to visit a newborn baby.

To coo and oooh and aaaah over the new arrival, pretending they are the image of their Dad and not really just the image of a pink potato.

The thing is, I HATED visitors in the first week or two. There. I said it.

With first born I was floored by the immediate visitor locomotive, wincing from the sting of a stitched foof whilst making brews and pleasantries. I counted no less than 12 visitors in my living room at one point.

After they had all left and I was able to sneak a quick soak, I came downstairs to yet more visitors and I couldn’t help my reaction. I just stood in the living room and cried. I cried like a child. Sobs of despair.

I was in agony. The birth was horrendous, breastfeeding was challenging, I had an awful case of post natal incontinence and I just needed time to recover and to learn to fart with confidence again.

I needed to not even pretend to be OK for a while.

Second time round I had a ‘no visitors for two weeks’ rule but it was hard to stick to. The last thing I needed was anyone fetching in big bad germs from the big bad world when I had just brought a little precious gem into it.

If you do go to visit any of your friends new babies, at least be of some use to the new momma. Chances are the baby will have everything that they need.

One of the best gifts I received was a hamper of really practical items for a new mum.

You can collect bits for it over time and it could prove to be the pot of gold that your new mummy friend needs.

Things you might want to include:

Mine had pots of porridge oats. Just add water. A really handy snack that is easy to make and almost instantly edible. Any new parent will appreciate food as a gift, probably wondering from one hour to the next how they’re going to make a meal.

Biscuits are handy too for an easy snack when up feeding.

A little collection of everything they may have wanted to eat when pregnant but couldn’t. PatΓͺ, etc.

A thermos mug for keeping her brew warm. Hot brews become almost a vague distant memory. Keep it alive! For the love of all things sacred!

Nipple cream. She WILL use this at some point. Pure lanolin makes a great lip balm too.

Hand cream…. Your poor hands look like a weathered fence after so much washing in those first months.

Dry shampoo. It’s the only shampoo you’ll see for a while.

All of these are a starter for ten. If you’re going to insist on visiting fetch something wonderful for the mum. The baby will already have been lavished with everything they need and poor mum will also be pouring every bit of herself into her new nursling.

You’re welcome,

JD xx

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