Black Cloud Weeks, Blood Tests & being Just OK

Well I hate to admit it.

I think the doctor was right.

I’m not feeling too peachy right now.

I did get my results from my repeat bloods which showed that I just seem to have a low white cell count constantly and looking back historically, it’s been low for at least 3 years.

It’s just the way I am.

This is great in one sense. I’m not dying as I’ve been telling myself I am. Always good to disprove that one.

I just don’t feel right though.

I’m tearful.

I feel harassed all the time. I have very little patience with Niamh. I have none whatsoever with Neil.

I’ve stopped enjoying things.

I don’t want to go out.

I don’t like having people in my house where as I used to love a full house.

I hate making plans and panic at having to stick to them.

I have a permanent lump in the back of my throat that threatens to spew out a sobisode if I think about it.

I’m stressing over exercise. Over not exercising. Over leaving too long between workouts.

I took the tablets as suggested the last 8 times I went to Dr Evil.

I managed 5 years this time but I’m not about to be a hero.

This is just one part of who I am and unfortunately I need a little help with it sometimes.

On the plus side I am LOVING photography right now. I’m taking bookings daily and I really enjoy working with children this way.

It is the best thing I ever did.

I know that this is just a blip and that it can be controlled again and held at arms reach.

This isn’t the desperate attention cries of a sympathy sucker either, just a nod to my recent creative drought and an admission that talking helps. Pokes little holes in the black clouds.

Sometimes being a hero is recognising that you’re human and reaching out for a helping hand.

I’m sure I’ll be back to to my extraordinarily witty vivacious self in no time at all.


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  • Avatar
    Naomi Lynas
    Posted at 20:53h, 06 November Reply

    Sounds like you’ve made a good decision and you’re being kind to yourself. Hope you’re ok x

    • Avatar
      This Mum Business
      Posted at 20:56h, 06 November Reply

      Thanks Naomi. I will be. We have to be don’t we? ❤️ xx

  • Avatar
    Jayne Donoghue
    Posted at 21:01h, 06 November Reply

    Love you Lodge x

  • Avatar
    Jimmy Wallace
    Posted at 22:26h, 06 November Reply


  • Avatar
    Posted at 06:34h, 08 November Reply

    I can’t believe it … You became witty and I missed it!

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